"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. "COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:" We have a lot of turnover. "EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT:" Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts. "JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:" We all listen to nutty motivational tapes. "FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT:" Your coworkers will be insulted if you don't drink with them. "A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT:" We booze it up at company parties. "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. "SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:" If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it. "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend. "SALARY RANGE $24k-$32k:" We'll offer you $22k to start. "A HIGHLY VISIBLE POSITION:" You'll give boring speeches on your own time. "FLEXIBLE HOURS:" Work 40 hours get paid for 25. "COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:" Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion. "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do. "I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:" As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better. "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer. "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there. "I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:" I've been accused of sexual harassment. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION: " Wait! Don't throw me away! "I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me "for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career". |